So you’re standing in line at the checkout, cursing your choice in queue. You were absolutely certain the old lady in the lineup to your left was going to pay for her order in pennies. And you were positive the woman with the demonically possessed screaming kids on the other side was a sure-fire meltdown waiting to happen. You were wrong, as they, and the folks behind them have already left the store. No, you thought you chose wisely, stepping behind one lonely man carrying a couple bags of chips and a single can of dog food. Then he pulls out a friggen checkbook he apparently is untrained to use and attempts to write one for $6.17. Were you surprised even a little when he announced that he had never been in the store before and has no picture identification either? It makes you want to cry.

Rather than give in to your gloriously detailed thoughts of a paper or plastic perpetrated homicide you decide instead to study the checkout displays next to you. “Oprah lost weight yeah right, mini-astrology books who needs ‘em, Tom Cruise is a big-nosed space alien I agree, Madonna is buying children in bulk now which makes sense I guess, and hey look at that. Maybe I’ll buy me some gum...”

Stop right there.

One pack of gum. Fifty million dollars.

That’s right, Cadbury-Schwepps earmarked fifty million smackers to launch that tiny little pack of Stride gum you see right there at the checkout. It was way back in 2006 at Stride chewing gum’s unveiling at the All Candy Expo when it was revealed they spent – get this - three years developing a gum with longer lasting flavor. They claimed that through the use of a proprietary sweetener they tagged as "encapsulation" they had managed to produce a gum they could sell as "The Ridiculously Long Lasting Gum"

And sell it they have.

I confess to absolutely loving their spots so far. They started off with a commercial featuring Stride’s own marketers sitting in a meeting room and celebrating their gum’s success. As they cheer record-breaking sales one employee scoffs that "Brad in accounting" was worried that the long-lasting flavor would stop people from buying more gum. Just then the production line grinds to a halt.

In another ad, production workers ponder the success of Stride. One asks, "Hey, if our new Stride gum lasts so long, won't we sell less gum?" Another worker answers matter-of-factly, "No," then quickly changes to, "Yes," when the production line stops. The Stride executives are horrified and have no idea of what to do. They are flummoxed. They are frightened. They are totally without a plan.

Well not anymore. As of now they have decided to fight back.

Their latest commercial opens with a blond, slightly doofy looking guy walking toward the street chewing his gum heartily. He is talking on a cell phone trying to navigate some verbal menu and not really paying attention. There is a near miss when doofus steps off the curb, nearly getting hit by a car. He doesn’t miss a beat, keeps on walking – then all of a sudden, out of the blue, a ram (yes, the animal) comes out of nowhere and nails him in the crotch/breadbasket knocking him roughly to the pavement.

Doofus struggles to his feet just as the ram hits him again. This time his gum goes flying as a message splashes across the screen.

“Spit out your stride gum and chew another piece already...or we’ll find you.”

As the guy hits the ground for the second time we see two of the executives from the Stride head office quickly run over. One of them reaches down and grabs the gum yelling “Got it!” A tricked out, mid-70’s stoner van with Stride painted on the side, towing a utility trailer screeches to a stop as the executives jump in. It spins its tires and we hear voices yell “Leave the ram!” as the van and the executives speed away.

Awesome. Stride has resorted to assault with livestock to get their gum out of people’s mouths. They even go so far as to confiscate the gum ‘cause it’s got some much damn flavor you’d pick it up again for sure. The ramping up of the intensity of the whole thing is what makes it so amazingly hilarious.

So when you finally do get to that till you might just want to consider grabbing some Stride gum so you can see just what all the fuss is about. I have no idea if their flavor lasts longer or not but when someone spends that much coin and even has attack rams on staff I’m more than willing to take a look.

Effort like that is worth a couple of bucks at least, no?