A secret worth smiling for

Part 1 of 4: Creating Confidence, one step you can take today to appear more confident.

I'm going to tell you a secret that will make you smile.

Ever wonder how some people exude confidence? What secret to life do they know?

• Are they more intelligent?
• More beautiful?
• Do they have more money?

The answer is no.

The confident people we see every day don't have any more advantages than the rest of us. They weren't given a guide to life when they slid into the fluorescent hospital world and were smacked hard with reality.    

Even those who had advantages of money and natural beauty are just as likely to botch their chance and develop doubtful pessimism.

What do the confident people know that many of us don’t?

They live by one easy rule that likely changed their life and could change yours too. 

But who am I to tell you this? What credibility do I have to share this with you?

I am one of the lucky ones who figured it out.

Every day I am told that I appear confident. I am constantly asked:

• How did I become confident?
• Was I always that way?
• Is life easy because of it?

Again, the answer is no.

No, I was not confident as a child, nor as an adult.

No, life hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been a fun parade of smiles and balloons… I was just the opposite.

Let me introduce you to me as a child:

• I was obese and bullied
• I was an outcast at the best of times and a target at the worst 
• I endured everything from name calling, having food thrown at me to social isolation.

It was a confusing and dark time.

So how did that timid and unsure girl become someone people seek out for advice?

I do one thing that draws people in. One thing that makes everyone believe I am exceptionally confident:

• Smile!

Confident people smile all the time. They smile when they are talking to people; when they meet someone’s eye; they even smile when they are alone in public.

They don’t need a specific reason to smile, they just do.

Smiling has two significant effects. People’s perception of you and your perception of yourself. 

Think about how your emotional reaction when you see someone smiling to themselves. What do they know that you don’t? Why does their life seem so put together? What did they do differently?

Even if you have nothing to complain about, it is human nature to wonder if you’ve missed something, to be in competition.

Think about how it feels when someone smiles at you. Regardless of the gender, does your heart flutter just a touch as some part of your brain confirms that you were just noticed?

You will instinctively like the mystery person a little more; not to the degree that you might stop, say hello and entertain a conversation – but there is no denying we notice people who notice us and smiling at someone accomplishes this.   

What about the effect smiling has on you?

It is significant. It is no secret that smiling releases dopamine, endorphins and serotonin into your bloodstream. All the goodness generated by your smile and then released into your blood stream makes you more relaxed, which reduces blood pressure.

Smiling literally makes you happy.

Take a moment now and smile. Notice the effects. Hold the smile a little longer… If you don’t feel the effects immediately, then go look in a mirror and try it again.

Keep trying.

Create a reminder for yourself to smile in public – every time you see a white car: Smile. Every time you turn a corner while walking through your office or around town: smile.

Commit yourself to smile more and you will be amazed at the effects it has on you and those around you. The more you notice it, the more you will do it.  

I am proof it works, and you can be too.

There is no down side to keeping the corners of your lips turned to the upside.

Stay tuned for more tips on confidence.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.