What now, February?

Photo: Contributed

It’s grey outside. The weather will not co-operate. It’s either slushy and mucky or snowing like crazy.

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, It’s February.

How is it the shortest month of the year is the hardest one to take? In January, the excuses for being depressed seem reasonable: we are poor and suffering withdrawal from the extravagance of the holiday season. We are feeling the pressure of a new year and its expectations.

But instead of shaking off that funk in February, we just sink deeper into it.

To help you regain your sense of humour, so you can approach February with a smile instead of a grimace, I’m offering up my list of reasons why February sucks, if you’ll pardon the vernacular.

Feel free to share any of these, tongue firmly planted in cheek, as you assist others out of the winter darkness.

• Snow has lost its appeal. It’s romantic and exciting at Christmas, but by now we are tired of shovelling. Whether we are hip deep in the stuff or dealing with slush that freezes, we are wishing it would go away.
• Winter holidays either aren’t long enough, or we don’t get one. (And those who live down south are sick of hearing about the woes of the North.) How often do you see enticing ads for tropical vacations or news about winter depression? The beach picture on your screensaver probably used up its charm, didn’t it? And ordering a drink with an umbrella isn’t the same if your toes aren’t in the sand.
• We aren’t seeing results at the gym. As we work our way into the second month of the year, we are looking for results, for encouragement. But our New Year’s resolutions don’t develop momentum that fast. Winter depression and the temptation of chocolate around Valentine's Day is enough to drive any sane person to tip the scales on the heavy side.
• There are germs everywhere. Everyone gets sick in the winter. It’s a top news story. If the stress of being cold and not as fit as we’d like isn’t enough, the fear of catching the flu will make us sick with worry.
• Valentine's Day does not help. Even the history of this saint’s day is dark and murky, and today it’s regarded as a holiday in bad taste despite the chocolate. I wouldn’t be surprised to see single people don’t march in protest.
•  Damp cold, dry cold – they are all awful. I know complaining about the weather is silly, but we’re Canadian, it’s what we do in the winter. I just wish my skin didn’t feel like it belonged on an alligator.
• Layers are for cake, and hat hair is not the fashion statement I was looking for. Don’t you feel like you should towel off with a dryer sheet to avoid more static cling? My hair is frizzy, I’m tired of itchy wool sweaters and my toes want to be free of socks again.
• We have already binge watched everything on TV. Most of us also saw all the new release movies during the Christmas break, too. So now what – am I supposed to take up knitting or crossword puzzles? I don’t know about you, but I feel a bit like Jack Nicholson right about now…
• Enough with the comfort food, already. I’m stewed out. I don’t want to even think about another flavour of soup. I’m going stir crazy waiting for the time when most vegetables will taste like something besides their packaging.

And here is the most flagrant abuse of our sensitive state during this tough time of year:

• Whose idea was it to make a rodent in charge of my continued happiness? Seriously folks, how did we make Groundhog Day and its representative the arbiter of spring? Talk about an unreliable source. I think Bill Murray expressed the general winter sentiment best in the namesake movie:
  “You want a prediction about the weather? You're asking the wrong Phil. I'm going to give you a prediction about this winter? It's going to be cold, it's going to be dark and it's going to last you for the rest of your lives!”

As you prepare for the 28 days of purgatory that comes between us and spring, try to giggle and keep your chin up.

Just remember your scarf so your neck doesn’t get cold, and some lip balm to keep your lips from cracking when you smile.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.