Go ahead. Be 'selfish'

Is taking care of yourself selfish?

Do you regularly take a working lunch so you can get a few extra tasks off your list, stop going to the gym, because you just can’t find time, and spend your weekends doing things that make other people happy, rather than something that will make you happy?

If so, you are in good company. Focusing on making other people happy, to the detriment of your own well-being, is common.

If you are a woman, you may have been raised with the belief that a mother’s role is to nurture her family with no thought for herself.

My mom often felt most satisfied when she knew everyone else in her family was happy. I’m not sure if she realized that the days she was happy, were the days that guaranteed the rest of us felt happy, too.

I was raised in a church where we learned that good people prioritized in the following way:

• Jesus
• others
• yourself.

If you put yourself higher on the list, you were selfish.

It is important to consider other people, and not to act in a manner that will negatively affect them, but this philosophy encourages people to view self-care as self-centred, and unimportant.

If my mom had taken regular time for herself, she would have been happy more often, and so would we.

Happiness is a choice; the only one who can make you happy is yourself. If you always put other people first, you are ignoring these nuggets of happiness, and jeopardizing your own well-being.

By taking enough time to look after yourself, you will have more energy to help others. You can’t fill anyone up from an empty vessel. You need to be at the top of your game if you want to help others.

Developing a healthy relationship with yourself is an important behaviour to model for your children. Children learn through observation, and imitation. Show them that taking time to nurture themselves is a life skill that should not be overlooked.

The safely presentation on any airline always advises you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else, the same goes with any form of care. For optimum effect, look after yourself before you attempt to look after others.

If you want others to treat you well, you need to believe that you are worth being treated well. What better way to show the world that you are worthy of respect, than by respecting yourself and taking time for self-care?

Set boundaries. Make sure that everyone realizes when you are carving out some time for yourself. If you choose to have a relaxing bath with a book and glass of wine, let everyone know that you are unavailable for the next 30 minutes.

There is no rule that says you must be available to clients 24-7. Don’t take business calls, or answer business messages outside of your predetermined work hours.

Ways to take care of yourself include:

• Take time to read, meditate, garden, or do other activity that you enjoy
• Eat regularly, and healthily
• Get enough sleep to achieve peak performance
• Create regular opportunities to socialize with people you like
• Take a break during your work day to get some exercise
• Remind yourself that you are a work in progress, there is no need to expect yourself to be perfect

Emotions are contagious. If you are happy, the people within your sphere of influence will benefit.

Challenge yourself to do something just for you, each day, and discover how much better the people in your world feel.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.