Student's killer on parole
Charges after investigation
Hostage was on captor 
Regulating power prices
Gen X is raking it in
LeBlanc laying groundwork
US vetoes UN resolution
$100M Nassar settlement
12 Trump jurors picked
Rates slow green economy
Vicinity hires president,
Record housing starts
Warriors ready for Round 2
Kalamalka Bowl cancelled
Rockets live to fight on
Rihanna's parenting ‘hack’
Tarantino scraps film
Munn talks cancer battle
Our society has managed to fall (or dive) into a steamy vat of superlative muck in recent years, and it has changed the way that we communicate. I’m not sure what, if anything, is still said or written in a normal low-key way, even the extra-low-key Brits are losing their ‘keep calm’ attitude, all that’s left of Keep Calm are the memes, mugs and t-shirts.
This need for overkill has seeped into everything, making our conversations sticky with over-the-top superlatives folded into big emotional statements (possibly to cover up a lack of real feeling?). At any rate, whatever you want to say these days, you’d best say it big, with exaggerated passion, because otherwise you will look wishy-washy.
For example, the word ‘like’ is almost obsolete, except when used as a pause in thought, like, right now. Take a look at this sentence: “I like this man, he is pretty smart. He’s not too shabby, and he’s funny, too.” If you say this, it will look as though you can barely stand the guy.
In order to pop, the declaration has to be brought up to modern standards: “OMG I love this man, he is the smartest person I have ever met in my entire life, and on top of that he is the kindest and nicest and most perfect person ever, and nobody is funnier in the entire world, maybe even the entire universe. Did I mention good-looking? Holy Toledo, I might die just thinking about him, he is that awesome. He is just a big cuddle-hunky-bunny bundle of awesomeness.” Saying it this way, people get the idea.
Digging deep into the past, about 1/2 century-and-change ago, kids could get into trouble for saying something like this: “I hate that kid down the street.”
“What on earth are you talking about, Jo Slade?” you Modern Millies grumble. “Why would a kid get in trouble for saying that?”
Well, because ‘hate’ was once considered a word that you just didn’t use. Ever. You could dislike someone (although even that would get you chided) but ‘hate’ was a dirty word, or close to it, it was seen as too over-the-top, too dramatic.
You would also catch hell for using the word ‘love’. You could love whoever you supposed to love, ie your mother and father and possibly your siblings (although you didn’t go around saying it, it was an assumed thing), but unlike today, you didn’t automatically love everything you didn’t hate, and you didn’t have to verify that love by saying it all the time. The word ‘like’ was the word of choice. And you didn’t need to announce what you liked and didn’t like, you just quietly went around liking stuff on the sly. Yes, this seems archaic now, but once upon a time that’s the way it was.
Linguistically speaking, you really have to be on your toes today. You need to keep up in conversations and correspondence that require massive doses of superlative drama, and this can often lead to one-upmanship.
Him: “Hey, come here, you are going to FREAK OUT over this website.”
You: “Ha ha, sure, but hang on, check this out, you are gonna have TEARS POURING DOWN YOUR HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING FACE over this one. Your head will EXPLODE.”
Him: “Well, I would but I am too busy DYING FROM LAUGHTER over this site. Come here and prepare to see the FUNNIEST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.”
Damn. Once ‘entire life’ comes into it, you’re close to being hooped, you’ve got to regroup, and fast. Might I suggest a nice little ‘anywhere on earth’ remark, with plenty of exclamation marks:
You: “OMG, wait, no way! This is shocking!!!!!!!!! Ya gotta see this, it’s THE RAREST OF RARE AWESOMENESS THING ANYWHERE ON EARTH, EVER.”
Nailed it.
In closing, I’m going to leave you with a small taste of a pre-superlative yesteryear. It is not for the faint-of-heart:
“Hmm, interesting article in the newspaper today.”
“Oh? What is it about?”
“It says that a 500-ton meteor is heading toward Earth. Apparently we are all going to die in ten minutes, give or take.”
“Oh my, well I guess there isn’t much point in making dinner, is there.”
“Probably not, although I do feel a bit peckish, don’t you? Perhaps this is as good a time as any to tell you that I care about you.”
“Now, let’s not get emotional, dear. Should we sit outside and watch the meteor as it arrives?”
“Good plan, I’ll prepare drinks. Oh say, I think it may be here already, the house is shaking rather a lot. Would you mind terribly if your Martini is shaken, not stirred? Would you like one or two oli. . . .”
Photo: Contributed
This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.
