How to eat your peas & quinoa

Dining Etiquette Part 2

For Part 1, click here

 

I'd like to continue my series on dining etiquette in hopes of getting everyone back on the same page. It seems we have lost the common language of the table and it's no longer clear what message is being transmitted between the dining public and the service staff. My mission is to help us all have a better time by posting some of the old shortcuts that allow us to communicate non-verbally at the table. Your parents used to tell you to mind your P's and Q's, didn't they? Well, here's the new version, where I tell you which tool to use for peas and quinoa (pardon my alliterary humour)…

Did you see "Pretty Woman" years ago at the theatre? Remember Julia Roberts learning that you use the cutlery from the outside in? That's the easy way to remember the basic rule. Here are some of the specific details, to help make you more comfortable:

• A decorative "plate" at your setting when you sit (often silver or gold finish, and lighter than a china plate) is called a charger. You don't eat off this one, it's just decoration and used to "charge" or hold the other dishes to come.
• Once you are seated, the expectation is that you will take your napkin from your plate or from inside a glass and put it in your lap. In fine dining places, the host may do this when they seat you at the table.
• Salad forks and soup spoons which are usually the first course are the easiest ones to grab being the furthest away from your plate.
• A bread knife is often placed on top of that little side plate (yours is the one to the left of your main plate, not the right.)
• If you are using a knife for a first course, it will be a "regular" knife, often a bit smaller than the one on the inside near the plate. If you have a steak or roasted meat for main course, you may have a steak knife with a sharper edge. The proper way to set the knife at the place setting is with the blade in towards the plate. (A bit of formal dining trivia for you: this goes back to the Medieval days of visiting lords dining with their own knives. Placing the blade in signified you meant no harm to your host. Another note: Although forks were used by the ancient Greeks and Romans, they didn't become common in Western culture until the 11th century in Italy, where they proved useful for pasta.)
• Water glasses are either tumblers (with no stem) or have a shorter stem than the wine glass, and they ought to be the glass on the right, with wine glasses going in a diagonal line to the left (towards the middle of your setting).
• If you have more than one glass, the smaller one is for white wine, bigger for red. A skinny one is for sparkling wine, and a really small one is for a dessert or fortified wine.
• Dessert cutlery is usually above the plate. A spoon and fork was the classic setting for dessert, with both to be used for the food (not spoon for coffee or tea as is sometimes the case now - if there are 2 spoons, one is for coffee). You would "cut" the dessert with your fork (in your left hand if you're right handed) and push it onto the spoon to eat it with your right hand. (Another bit of historical dining trivia: A dessert spoon was a larger spoon, and is used in recipes from the 17th and 18th centuries. This measurement is what is now called a "tablespoon".)

Okay, so now you know what to do with everything in front of you. Once they start to serve, what do you do? Classic service should be able to operate without you saying anything. Here's the Julia Roberts lesson: The servers will come from your right to serve a plate and take it away from the left. (This is not used much anymore, what with tables against a wall and people leaning in for conversations. The instinct is to serve from your right, though so it's good to be aware of that at least.)

 

How do they know when to clear your plate? Good question!

• If you put your knife and fork on your plate together, parallel to each other, then that is the classic signal for "I'm finished with this course" - even if you have food left on the plate.
• If you leave your fork and knife at opposite sides, then that says "I'm just taking a break, I am still eating this course". In fine dining circumstances the rule is not to clear the table until everyone is done, but in catering usually they will clear finished plates once most of the people are done eating.

 

Do you feel better now? Got a bit of an idea of what is expected of you at the table? In closing, here a few other little tips so you can avoid some of the common "faux pas" or pitfalls of the inexperienced diner...

• Try not to move out of your "spot" or clutter it up. If you have your chair away from the table, for example, the server will have a hard time serving you food and drink. If you have packages, see if they can be put somewhere away from the seating area.
• If you have any dietary concerns or questions about the menu, ask right away! And know that without any advance notice, the kitchen may not be able to make adjustments for you. On the other hand, if you tell your host or the restaurant when you confirm your attendance (reservation, RSVP) then they will almost always let you know what they can do for you.
• When you're done the last course, DON'T put your napkin on your plate. If you're done eating and you want to take it from your lap, put it to the right of your plate.
• When the servers clear the dishes, it's actually easier if you don't hand them your plate. They will have a system to stack plates so they can carry as many as possible and clear quickly and neatly. You risk upsetting their balancing act if you hand them something. (The exception may be if you're against a wall and they have to reach over the table to get to you. In this case, don't stack plates, just hand them one at a time.)
• If you're a smoker and you like to get up between courses for a smoke break, be conscious of the timing of the meal (it’s better to ask how much time you have than come back to cold food that should be hot). Only in the best fine dining establishments will they wait for your return, and even then they won't be happy about it if they don't know you're getting up.
• If you are an extreme foodie and need to take pictures and tweet about your food, be quick about it. The staff and host want you to enjoy your meal when they serve it, not ten minutes later when you're done posting it on Instagram and it's gone cold :)

 

Now you're all set! You can enjoy a stress-free experience dining out and know you're sending the right messages. Just one last suggestion for you:

• If you enjoyed your meal, thank your host. It's good to be specific - mention anything you especially liked. If you're paying for your meal, tip your server, mention great food and/or service to a manager. We don't often take the time to say anything when we have a good experience, and it really does mean a lot.
• If there was something lacking in your experience, then speak up, ideally as soon as possible. Give the host or staff a chance to fix it, hopefully for you that time and at the very least for the next time or the next person. If we don't say anything then they might not even know we weren't happy!

 

Bon Appetit! 

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.